Five Weeks

Five weeks. Such a short time in some ways. An eternity in others.

Five weeks since Esther Islande and Zoë Katiana joined our family. Five weeks since our lives changed forever.

Adjusting to two new children.
Adjusting to two new older children.
Adjusting to going from one child to three.
Adjusting to double the laundry, double the cooking, double the food bill.
Adjusting to Daddy working out of the house full time (he had been full time with his own business, working from home, since Sept. 2007).

It's been a HUGE adjustment for all of us. We're trying to find a routine. Failing. Trying something new. Well, not quite right. OK, let's try this, tweak it a bit tomorrow. Maybe.

Has chaos become my new normal?

Honestly, it's hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. OK, maybe not, but it's a very close second. There are some days I think the stress is more than I can handle. But I am a very different person now than I was years ago, even from when we started this process. And it's thanks to God (thank you, LORD, that your mercies are new every morning).

I have had some people say, "You've had nearly three years to prepare for their homecoming, why is this all such a shock?"


Well, firstly, I have to say that the required classes we took were nearly three years ago. Secondly, our expected (revised ad nauseam) timeline suddenly was cut short. In addition to dealing with the stress of the earthquake; trying to get someone, ANYONE, to get supplies to the orphanage; the ups and downs of "are they coming, are they not?"; trying to get all our paperwork gathered; then getting a call telling us to be prepared to travel TOMORROW. Are they coming? Are they here? What glitch? When will they be here? Do we need to go to Florida? Do we need to remain here?

Nothing can prepare you for that.

But I am glad to report I'm finally sleeping without pharmaceutical assistance. :)


Adjusting

The girls seem to be doing well. They appear to be comfortable in their new home, with us, with Charis, and are happy.


Both girls like to help and want to please. They both give and receive affection (Esther Islande more than Zoë Katiana). Both girls are fairly affectionate. With Zoë, it comes and goes. She plays a game in which she wants me to kiss her goodnight on the cheek, then she wipes it off. But she laughs about it; so it's a game for her, not a rejection. Both test boundaries (Zoë much more than Esther).

Both girls like to play. Esther and Charis do better playing together. Zoë seems to do more parallel play (like a toddler -- even though she's 5, she's like a toddler in so many ways).

They are very active. I joke (well, OK, not joke) that Zoë has two settings: ON and OFF. There is no in-between. She is full bore or asleep.

I wasn't sure how Charis would react to all of this. We have been in process with Esther and Zoë as long as she can remember (we first started the adoption process with Russia in November 2006, then switched to Haiti in April 2007). We've tried to prepare her for life with siblings. But how abstract of a concept is that?!? The girls are going to live here with us, share Mommy and Daddy, share your room, share your toys.

We've had some behavioral and emotional issues with Charis we've never had to deal with before, but she's such a trooper, and the episode is usually short-lived. Although I know she's frustrated and overwhelmed at times, I know she is happy to finally have sisters. Even when someone will ask her if she is happy to have her sisters here, she says yes.

There is a lot of sibling rivalry, which a completely new thing in our household. "Mom, she touched me." "Mom, she won't share." "Mom, it's my turn." "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

OK, seriously, I'm at the point of "if you're not bleeding, I don't want to hear it."

But there also has been a lot of sibling revelry. I walked in the bedroom one day to see Charis hug Esther and say, "I love you." Esther responded she loved her, too. As I said before, Zoë does a lot of parallel play, but there is more and more "togetherness." Dressing up, dolls, reading, pretending. We've played at McDonald's a few times to get out of the house (it's been too cold to play outside). There will be more bicycle-riding after next week, when Esther gets a bicycle for her birthday.

Sleep

Since Day 1, the girls have slept in their own beds (mostly) and through the night. The only time they didn't sleep in their own beds was when Charis stayed the weekend with a friend, and they slept together in one or the other's bed. I fully expected to be on the floor in their room for several weeks, but it hasn't been an issue. Zoë does want the bedroom door ajar with the hall light on, but no problem. The only time they've been in our bed is when I want them to nap. If I put them in bed with me, they'll sleep. Otherwise, most likely not.

Getting them to sleep is sometimes an issue. We have all our kids in one bedroom, with Esther and Zoë in bunkbeds, and Charis in a twin. Often Zoë gets up (repeatedly) to go pee-pee (even though she went 5 minutes prior), to get water (both), or to tattle on Charis. Charis often gets up to tattle on her sisters ("They're still talking" is the major complaint). I'm trying to move back bedtime so help Charis get more sleep to be refreshed for school. She's like me -- we both need a lot of sleep.


I put a pull-up on Zoë. I made the mistake of not doing that the first night and had to wash everything. She's dry most mornings, which is great. But I'm glad for the protection when she does wet! Bunk beds are a pain in the dèye to make!


What we have been told is the kids were discouraged from getting up at night; so the nannies aired out the mattresses in the bleaching sun daily.


Orphanage

They haven't talked much about the orphanage, at least not on their own.

Zoë asked early on if they were returning to the orphanage. I'm sure that's still in her mind.

When Charis spent that first weekend away, Esther was visibly upset. She said was missing her friends. [Can you imagine? She was at the orphanage about five years. Day in, day out, with the same people. Constant noise. Sleeping in a dorm with dozens of girls. Going to a bedroom with only three. The sound of silence.]

The other day, Esther said she missed her manman (mama) and that she wanted her to come here. I told her that we could pray about that, but there is nothing other than praying that Daddy and I could do to bring her Haitian mother here. I told the girls that we all could write their Haitian mothers letters and send them pictures. (I just need to find out at this point what is the best way to get them there [mail vs. scan and e-mail]).

I asked her if she saw her Haitian mother after the earthquake, and she said that she had come to the orphanage -- both her parents and one of her sisters. I had her ask Zoë if her mother had come, and Zoë is 5 and I know doesn't really have a concept of time (Charis doesn't fully grasp it, either).

Zoë hasn't talked to me about the tragedy, but her English is minimal. Esther hasn't talked about it much. She did mention the nanny who died, a child's mother who died. I've asked questions. I have received some answers. Some pa konnen (pah co-nay, meaning I don't know).

My heart hurts with some of the things casually mentioned. I know more about life at the orphanage, and maybe before, will come. God, please give me the courage and the grace to handle things appropriately.

Language

My Creole has improved. Charis is learning Creole as quickly as Zoë is learning English. I'll use Creole with Charis, and everyone will laugh. But what's funny is Charis knows what I'm saying. Esther is using her English well and learning a lot. I am so grateful she knows English as well as she does! It's a huge help with Zoë. Zoë seems to understand more English than she uses. And I will tell her something and she can repeat the whole sentence to me, which I'm sure is good.

Recently Esther was saying something in Creole, and I couldn't understand what she was saying. She repeated it. And again. And again. I still couldn't figure out what she was saying. And we were driving, so I couldn't have her show me, if it was something physical. I asked her if she could tell me in English. No. Could she tell me part of it in English. So she said, "Part of it."

I laughed so hard! Poor girl had no idea what I was laughing about!

Food

Eating has been an interesting issue. We have been so blessed with meals. A Bible study group prepared huge pans of items to freeze (which have been stored in my friend's freezer). Another friend set up meals, which were delivered nearly nightly for three weeks. SUCH A BLESSING! The hard thing was what the girls would or would not eat.

To give you some background, the kids ate rice and beans at the orphanage. Rice with beans. Beans with rice. Rice with bean sauce. Sometimes with dried fish, dumplings or yams added. Some variation. This would have been their main meal of the day, served early to mid-afternoon. Breakfast may have been pasta (Haitians don't believe in typical breakfast foods for the morning meal -- they think it gives you worms). Dinner might be a porridge. But white rice and beans definitely was the staple.

So our varied American diet has been a challenge. No matter what we've made or served, we've heard pa vle sa (I don't want that), even before they've tasted it. Zoë usually likes (or is learning to like) what is served. And boy, she can put it away! We can't believe how much that kid can eat.

We've been eating a lot of fruit, an increasing amount of vegetables (the biggest issue), tons of pen (bread), be (butter), and manba (peanut butter). They also like cereal, Zoë with let (milk), Esther without. They'll have ji (juice) with breakfast, then dlo (water) the rest of the day. They also like all the bonbon (cookies) brought with meals.

We have learned to withhold the bread until they eat a significant amount of main course and vegetables. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. But they are learning to like more things. I seriously did the happy dance the first time they ate a vegetable and like it (peas, btw).

I have to admit that one night I had had it with pa vle sa. Esther said that as soon as I set her dinner plate down, so I picked it back up and walked away with it. Boy, she changed her mind fast!

Mark and I are surprised how picky the kids are, especially when they had NO choice at the orphanage. I really don't know if they had a choice to eat or not.

Zoë had some hoarding issues the first few days. We'd find food stashed upstairs, in her pillowcase, behind the couch cushions, in her pockets. But she and Esther, both, seem more comfortable with the fact that there is food available, even when I tell them they can't have anything at that moment (since we're getting ready for a meal, or just because I'm not letting them have ice cream or marshmallows for breakfast). I try to keep fruit or vegetables readily available and offer those to them throughout the day.

Outings

The girls have been to McDonald's a few times. We've met other adoptive families there and it's a safe place to play and run around. We've been to a variety of stores. Their first store was Target. Zoë was in the cart, but Esther wasn't. She was grabbing everything she could to throw into the cart, including hearing aid batteries. It was so funny. Things have calmed down quite a bit and they know they aren't getting anything and everything they want.

We've been to the dentist, which went well. But we have to go back for work. Pray for us! We still have to go to the doctor. We've been waiting on a health-coverage issue before we do that.

We went to Focus on the Family recently for the farewell receiving line for Dr. and Mrs. Dobson. The girls did well, especially for waiting in line so long.

We also have been to church a few times. Our church has added a second service on Saturday (4:30 p.m.), so we, with a few other adoptive families, have been attending that one, thinking it would be less hectic. We have been sitting in the lobby with the girls since they tend to be a bit noisy and need to use the restroom more often than normal. We haven't decided when we'll try them in church school yet. We probably will put them in with Charis at first.

Zoë

Zoë is full of life (and her name means life). She has a great personality. But she is such a pistol (it's a good thing she is so cute).

I expected some behavioral issues with her, especially since she spent most of her 2 1/2 years at the orphanage in the very-chaotic toddler room. We have had some issues, but they've been minor (hitting, biting, lying, putting things in her mouth -- that type of thing).

What I didn't expect is the defiance. She will deliberately do something she knows is wrong, with a smile on her face, and looking to make sure I see what she's doing. I have warned her repeatedly in English and in Creole, including having Esther tell her, so I know she knows.

I am walking a fine line between breaking the defiance and breaking her spirit. We need to figure out a way to channel that energy positively.

I know she is going to do great things with that energy.

We've had some time outs, and boy, that peanut can wail! She doesn't cry as much as she yells. Even at the orphanage, I could hear her cry over the other children. She. Is. Loud.

She doesn't do it as often as previously, but Zoë will hold onto the back of my shirt and follow me around the house. It's cute, but it's also hard, because I am continuously stepping on her. She wants me in her sight all the time. It's slowly becoming enough to hear me, but mostly she must see me. She'd yell for me, and wouldn't stop until she sees me. Answering her was not enough.

Our social worker says she may be over-attached. But that is better than under-attached.

I put coconut oil in her hair today, which was fine with her, but then she didn't want to wear the plastic cap to let the oil soak in. She pouted for a while, but then I put her on my lap and she fell asleep. Tonight she gave me many kisses (cheeks and nose), and let me return them.

I'm seeing progress with her, which I'm glad.

Esther

Esther has a loving heart and is very helpful. She can be mothering one moment, but then a bulldozer the next (pushing everyone out of her way to be first). She has had only a few time-outs and/or missed bedtime stories. When she has been disciplined, she becomes stoic. She is remoreseful, but she also doesn't want to interact with anyone.

We've had few issues with behavior with her. Some tantrums, hitting, lying, defiance, putting stuff in her mouth). The biggest issue with her has been her bulldozing, which I mentioned earlier. That, and disagreeing with anything Charis says. Charis could say, 2+2=4, and Esther would argue with her.

She also seems to fall out of her chair at the table a lot. We're not quite sure what's up with that.

Esther loves animals. We've encountered horses, reptiles, hissing cockroaches and a mastiff. She's been great with all. We hear daily that she wants a dog, a cat, a bird, fish, a horse. We need to renew our zoo membership. She's going to love it.

She also loves music. She plays the recorder and sings beautifully. I can see her playing more instruments. We may have to look into a left-handed guitar. She also is very artistic.

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Overall, I have to say the last five weeks have been truly amazing and truly challenging. We seek your continued prayers for our family -- for the transition, for their wounded hearts/spirits, for health, for our finances. Please continue to pray for the restoration of Haiti, the orphanage, and for the girls' birth families.